March 11

Things I forget I am grateful for:

• clean water from a tap
• my health / baseline fitness level that rarely leaves me out of breath
• all of this fantastic technology that makes my life so much easier (last night I asked my phone to remind me when the pizza would be cooked)
• being generally happier than I have been before
• fantasy

Things I don't forget I am grateful for:

• my bike
• the cat (omg hes so noisy tho)
• friends back in Ottawa who I still talk to often
• friends in on-line games who I can socialize with while being totally anti-social
• that one pair of jeans I have that spend more time on my body than in the laundry / closet
• my supportive, creative and inspirational family
• that I am not beating myself up (in my brains)

Last week my sisters nanny had an emergency family thing come up, so I was enlisted to be substitute nanny for a couple of days. I was unsure if I could find the time, what with my busy schedule... also, sarcasm. So I went out to her place (cat in tow) and hung out with my sis and niece and nephew. It rained a lot, I ate a lot of chips, and came back feeling refreshed (and a bit bloated from all the chips). Having them so close and the opportunity to go out and be helpful is really great especially since the rest of my family back in Ontario. My Mom is visiting now though, she'd planned to come visit and what with the nanny situation its worked out perfect for my sis. As a nanny, I was pretty good. The kids had fun, though I have a kinda mean way of conflict resolution. Like if they were fighting over a balloon I'd pop it  (not really pop it, just put it on a high shelf or somewhere). Its fun playing with the kids and hanging out with my sis. She's been out in BC for a while and most of our interaction since she got married years ago has been when she's visiting or infrequent video chat - both usually overshadowed by those adorable kids and lots of other people sharing the time. Its nice to have some downtime with her and shoot the shit without constraints (or watch TV till way past bedtime).

It also gave me a chance to refocus my efforts. Evaluate what's working and what isn't. Letting goals that hinge on others stand in my way is no way to get stuff done, and really may just be me setting up for self defeat. Hurdles must be overcome, but to put things on hold while I wait for whatever thing to happen that "needs to happen before I can continue" will get me nowhere fast. Daily steps toward goals. Like, I miss playing the guitar, so ima get a guitar, not try to get the one I used in Ottawa (that technically isn't even mine) sent out here. That's just an example. The implications are not even completely thought out. Residency papers need to be filed, drivers licence switched, and I need to bike far every day! Also.. working. I need some work, and not the "stayed up really late nerding out hardcore" but in a real monetary kind of way. Not that im going to go work at MacDonalds. Im going to do what I came here to do - chew bubblegum and kick ass (bubblegum supplies are depleted and will not be restocked).